Toni Morrison image courtesy :

Giving Opinions

“Wow! You have gained so much weight since the last time I saw you!”

“You better watch your weight. No man wants a FAT woman!”

“You really need to lose weight!”

“What in the world have you been eating? You are REALLY overweight!”

Yeah, I wonder as well what people think when they open their mouth to talk or give their unsolicited opinions! You know what? Most people – either male or female who have weight issues do know they do and I do not think most need reminders from rude people! True, some are not doing anything about it, but utterances like examples above would not make them do something about it either. These utterances are DEPRESSING and not in the least encouraging.

Maybe you need to think of a better approach if you really care about the person.

I was at a gathering the other day and an average-sized lady walked in to meet a group of her friends whom she had not seen in years, and the first thing that came flying out of the mouth of one of her lady-friends was: “Wow! You have gained so much weight since the last time I saw you. What have you done to yourself?”

I noticed how her mood was affected immediately. She was deflated. At that point, I knew low-esteem took over her. I felt like walking up to the lady and ask her if she was consulted for her opinion, but you know, it really was none of my business. I watched as this poor girl explained herself to her “Barbie-looking” friends why she went up to a size 14, and instead of “Ms. Barbie to just zip it, she kept going at her!!!

Now, if for whatever reasons you have experienced such or do experience such, please step up for yourself and shut the person up! You can do it in a very nice way and get your message across speedily without the assistance of FedEx!!!

Some responses you could shoot back are:

“Yes I know. You haven’t changed either – you still lose sleep over another’s problem! When are you going to get a life?”

“You are right about watching my weight, I am working on it, but not because I am INSECURE to think I won’t get a man but because I need to for ME!”

“True! You really need to attend a class on giving free unsolicited advice, you would earn a lot you know?”

“I eat anything that comes my way. Do you want to pass your plate?”

Say it with confidence.

Now, it is a DIFFERENT thing if you were approached one-on-one with good intentions and concern.

If you have made someone uncomfortable because of their weight issue, take a step back and think. You do not know if there is a story behind their weight. Do you know what the person’s struggles are? The weight gain could be due to stress, depression, or other issues. It could be genetics. It could be sensitive personal issues. It could be medical reasons. Be very tactful and sensitive when approaching such topics. Most times, what people need to make positive life changes is someone that sincerely cares, and definitely not a critic!


About VTI©

Valentina is a self motivated mother who has always committed herself to the service of humanity. In her quest to help in this wise, she has tales of personal experiences. Her challenges and successes which are always ongoing, and she'll be sharing with you without reserve. - Olusegun Idowu

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