Why I Ended My Love-Affair….

I have been asked why and how I made the decision to break-up my relationship of over two decades. It was not an easy decision I will tell you. However, it was the BEST decision I have made so far. It sure is a difficult move to go from being able to easily run your fingers through, and having to deal with tangles, but when you think about it, the benefits outweigh the consequences. At first I thought I couldn’t do without the long hair styles, but that was actually the easiest thing to do. If you read my article “Breaking Up A Relationship of Over Two Decades”, I mentioned on it that initially, I did the ‘BC’ acronym for the “Big Chop” which is literally cutting off all the relaxed portion of my hair.   Well, it did not take long to realize that process wasn’t for me. It does however, work for many, but definitely did not work for me. Hint: you have to find what works for you. I turned to protective hairstyles and started wearing wigs. When the hair grew back, I put the relaxer back in. Why did I relax my hair again? I did because I honestly did not know what to do with my hair. I did not research how to handle natural hair.


Remember, I have been in a relationship with the chemicals and heat for more than half of my life, so it was not easy leaving my “comfort zone” and embracing this new path of dealing with my kinky, nappy, (whatever name you want to call it), but I call it my GOD-GIVEN BEAUTIFUL REAL HAIR! If I had done my research, I probably would not have gone back to my ‘love-hate’ relationship with the chemicals. I fought it for a little while before making that big jump.After about two years, I decided I was done, but breaking up was not easy I must tell you! I started having a date every three months versus every five to six weeks as I had before. I started cheating with braids, weaves and wigs. I kind of liked my “under-g” moves with braids, weaves and wigs, but then, you can only go “under-g” for so long before it became obvious to the parties involved. Of course we all know that when you are in a relationship, communication is key! I went from communicating every 3 months to just when I needed to have a date with the weave.


I would only apply my communication skills so I could have the relaxer tend to the part of my hair I was leaving out to cover my tracks. I was kind of “using’ the relaxer – so I thought. Then, I found out the weave and the relaxer were actually “setting me up!” Hmmmmm! They were friends. They had a mutual benefit.They were so close, and I found out I was the one being used! They were both gaining from me financially and health wise!


The worst thing a woman could find out is that she is being used by two men when they each had other women! Imagine! I felt terrible. I felt bad. I had to do something about it for ME. I had to ditch them both. How would I, God’s covenant child be that vulnerable? I sure could not stand the idea that the weave couldn’t be 100% committed to me! How could he be friends with the relaxer when he knew my relationship with the relaxer? Imagine! Well, I forgot I started my affair with the weave by cheating on the relaxer, and that the weave and the relaxer have been friends all along, so I decided to break up with both of them at the same time! I couldn’t date two friends, could I? No, it is not my style.


I said goodbye to both of them on the same day, at the same time. I had reached my Ah Ha moment. I was not going to allow the relaxer to cause any more chemical burns to my scalp and skin, nor permanent hair breakage and loss, amongst other health-related issues. No way! I reached out to the wig and braids on a rebound-trip.  I am sure you know how that ended. Not too good. Jumping from one relationship to another is not always the best. You just cannot take baggage from one to another – does NOT work girl! NO, it did not last long.

There was something missing. I needed to settle down and deal with all the baggage first. I did. I slowly transitioned back to where I belonged – to my first love – my pretty natural state of my hair.

Little did I know what was ahead of me……….VTI©

About VTI©

Valentina is a self motivated mother who has always committed herself to the service of humanity. In her quest to help in this wise, she has tales of personal experiences. Her challenges and successes which are always ongoing, and she'll be sharing with you without reserve. - Olusegun Idowu


  1. If you had known, you would have stayed with your “first love”. I did it for like 6 months early last year, I guess the stress of the locks was too much for me to handle, I went back to my perms.

  2. Nice write up. It is really good to be able to keep one’s natural hair. I have been able to keep mine for a year now but have been cheating with single plait. The maintenance really matter, needs to read more about it. Well done sis

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *