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When is marrying more than ONE wife an option?

There has been quite numerous debates/arguments/justifications e.t.c on the teachings of the Holy Book – the Qu ‘ran on men taking up more than a wife.

So, Birogs decided to take it up this morning in a Question and Answer session on Facebook, and a lot of discoveries on people’s opinions we got. Not mentioning names, we will share some comments here on birogs.com

Please feel free to air your views keeping in mind that we all do not have to agree. That being stated, absolutely NO disrespect to ANY body or ANY Religion is allowed.

The Holy Qu ‘ran Chapter 4 (al-Nisāʾ), vs 3 says:

Holy Quran

……. marry of women as may be agreeable to you, (you may marry) two or three or four (provided you do justice to them), but if you fear that you will not be able to deal (with all of them) equitably then (confine yourselves only to) one……

I understand we all translate things differently but my question here is: IS IT POSSIBLE TO TREAT two, three or four women EQUITABLY??? Below are some of the views. I will use M for a Male’s view, and F for a female’s. Read, contribute, learn and share.

F1: My answer is nay

M1: It is possible to treat four women equally if you have the fear of God while it is difficult to treat a wife very well when you don’t have the fear of God. I have a living witness of such person that has four wives and living peacefully with them, a lot of divorce cases out there is just a wife.
You should be able to understand whoever you are getting involved with, whether you can live together as husband and wife.

F2: Val don’t mind those people that upturn the word of God in the Holy Quran. It’s an implied statement which you and I know that it is not achievable by any man. I was a Muslim, and this verse of the Holy Quran has generated serious controversy. Even among siblings sometimes, (if not all d time) you will agree with me that parents too play politics. May God help us to know and do the right thing that will launch us forth to our liberation.

M2: Only Almighty Allah is equitable and God of Justice.

M3: I believe you can be just (equitable) between 2 or 3 or 4 women if you fear Allah. Many scholars have explained equitable to mean that the man treats each woman according to her attitude. The obligations however should not be neglected. As M1 said, the most important ingredient of a successful marriage whether one or many is the selection of a good man or woman.

F3: It is not possible, even with your kids, you have your favourite one. The man may think he is treating them equally, but if you ask the women the story will be different.

VTI©: I still do NOT think any man can treat more than one woman equitably. Ko possible raara. At all, at all. Our needs are different and sometimes the same thing. Give for instance you marry two wives who are in the “mood” for intimacy at the SAME time, do you do a “threesome?” E ye je ki a ma tan ara wa jare. My Alhajis M1, M2 and M3, I no gree oooo. Awi tan, M3 quoted scholars as saying: “to treat according to her attitude!” For real? Of course I will have plenti attitude pass which I already have if I have to share. #justsaying. My sisters F1, F2 AND F3, ese oooo. Na so I say. Awon okunrin sha!

M4: To me polygamy is not a sin, however it is NOT for everyone.

VTI©:  Why am I NOT caught unaware by your comment M4?

M4: Maybe it’s because I am a realist.

M1:  To buttress my brother M3, you can achieve equitable distribution if you are sincere, let’s take for instance, you have three wives of different stature and you want to buy a clothing materials for them, you must buy according to their sizes. If one is using 4 yards, you have to buy 4 yards for her, if one is using 6 yards you must buy six yards for her and if the last one is using 8 yards you must buy 8 yards for her. That is what equality in Islam is.

F3: Yes, polygamy is not a sin according to the Holy Quran but what we am saying is: ” ko possible to treat two people equally not to talk off 3-4 women.

F3:  So M4, what of if 3 of them want intimacy or if 1 have 2 kids and one 3 kids, do you give the one with 2 kids 3 children school fees because the other woman has 3 kids. Ko possible rara.

M1: F3, kindly read my post. It is a guide.

M4: F3, with the intimacy matter, you must use roaster…lol. On the matter of sharing, M1 just nailed that!

M3: F3, the Qu ‘ran did not say treat them equally, the word is equitably. And like M1 said, u can’t buy 5yards of Sallah lace for a size 10 woman and buy same 5yards for a size 20 woman. Will u pay same school fees for a science student as for an arts student? Allah has permitted polygamy to allow men draw away from adultery but man has chosen adultery which draws him away from his God.

F3: Yes l did, am just using the clothing materials as a guide for paying school fees too. What happen if one is not satisfy with 2 days bearing in mind “se Dede btw d wives. O ga o, may Allah direct us and teach us to follow his way.

F3: Ok just reading M3’s comment if it is not equally then l rest my case o.

M4: M3, well said bro!

F4: Is it possible to love 4 women equally? Is it possible to love your children equally?
Have you at anytime wished one was more like the other? Have you at all time devoted the same energy to sex/love making to 3 girlfriends if you haven’t how were you able to make it up to the one you couldn’t satisfy cos nature called and you were just too tired or you had a lot on your mind? Have you honestly gone out and bought things these women have truly appreciated (not like they are just trying to make you feel good). If you ask me too many things go into satisfying a woman, no singular thing can be attributed to a woman’s sole happiness. Sometimes she wants sex fast, sometimes slow, sometimes she wants to cuddle, sometimes she just wants to look into your eyes and assure herself she’s got you. (most women that love their husbands are willing to walk/work side by side so your money isn’t the issue)….hmnnn how do you then juggle these things?

F5: The Holy book makes it clear so individuals should make decisions based on the word. If treating 4 women equally can be achieved, why not but some men cannot even manage a woman talk less of managing 2/3/4. But meanwhile we are human – jealousy, selfishness etc. can easily set in.

M1: F3, we are all learning every day, lol

F6: You can treat people the same it does not mean you feel the same way emotionally about them!

M4: @Valentina, you see wetin you start?

M5: You can’t treat your 2 hands equally…. So please someone teach me how to treat 4 different individuals with diverse backgrounds equally??… The Holy book is speaking in parables…. Simply put ‘don’t marry more than 1 wife’

F7: Hahaha just love this girl!

VTI©:  Hahahahahahahaaaa! M5, God bless you my dearest brother. M3, before you respond to M5, just know we all drank S.H.P.S water – so, tighten your belt.

VTI©: iLove you too F7

M4: With the uprising regarding homosexuality, men will be begged to have more than one wife in the future…. Hahaha!

VTI©: Olorun maje. Instead of that, I will stay single! Lobatan!

M6: Thanks my sister. I think I am a specialist on the question you asked as I studied Arabic and Islamic Studies up to Masters level. Literarily, there is free will, Allah permits you to do this for a purpose, all the chapters of Quran has purpose of revelation and the purpose is what we should first look into. Lastly, Allah Himself knows we cannot be justified with marrying two or three because women’s attitude will never be the same and there is tendency you love one than the other. So stick to one wife.

VTI©: I know I have the right mix as my people. Alhaji M6, ese mo dupe. More knowledge from above sir.

F3: The best answer sir M6, thanks for this Valentina, we’ve learnt from an lslamic scholar.

F8: I hope we all understand the context of this verse in the Holy Quran. Here, it is related to marrying orphans and giving them their dowers as obligations. It is permissible to marry up to four if u are able to deal with them justly. Now, how can that be possible when ALLAH himself does not want rival?

VTI©: It is related to orphans and goes into “war captives” as well. I selected the part that is most selected for people’s justification my sis F8. As we know, we humans are selective when it comes to justifying ourselves with what the Bible and Quran says smile emoticon But even with the selection, it is still very clear. LOL.

F9: Love your guts my darling Valentina.

M4: @ Valentina, clear? How so? When none of the people God used in the Bible had one wife. Historically, Popes had baby mamas.

On another platform, I had the privilege to interview a Practicing Polygamist. He is blessed with FOUR beautiful wives.

He expressed owing the wisdom to deal with four women to God. He had some points similar to the above chat on being fair with how a man who decides to be a Polygamist in the line of the Holy book deals and treats the women. For instance, a mother of four cannot receive the same monthly allowance as a mother of one child. His wives do not live under the same roof – for the sake of peace he said, but they know of one another and are all comfortable in their own rights.

He also mentioned that what he does or gives to wife numero Uno is no business of wife numero dos/tres/cuatro, vice versa.

Sexually, he does not see any lack of satisfaction for any of his beloved damsels, because luckily for him, their wants and needs are all different which suits his wants and needs. Hmmmmm! Lucky man I can read some minds! LOL.

However, as much as he recognizes the Holy Book outlining treating all EQUITABLY, he confessed to being more at ease discussing pertinent issues with numero uno than any of the others! He also admitted to not being able to give the same amount of time to each wife.

That takes us back to my initial question:

IS IT POSSIBLE TO TREAT two, three or four women EQUITABLY??? Your thoughts please.

About VTI©

Valentina is a self motivated mother who has always committed herself to the service of humanity. In her quest to help in this wise, she has tales of personal experiences. Her challenges and successes which are always ongoing, and she'll be sharing with you without reserve. - Olusegun Idowu

7 comments

  1. Wow, is this really real.

  2. This is a very interesting topic. Thanks for the education. I feel as long as the man is capable, it is okay.

  3. i actually do not believe that you can live 4 women equally. I am not even looking at it from a religious aspect but more from a reality aspect. How much of your time can you give to each one and how much attention can you grant each without making any of the others jealous? I come from a polygamous home so i know it is not possible. There will be one person feeling left out. Some would argue that you can live them in different ways and still be able to fulfill all their needs. I truly believe that one man, one wife is the way. I know for someone like the Alaafin, whose picture you have up, he might have to marry more than one to fulfill his traditional rights. I still do not believe that he can satisfy them all. One man, one wife is the way. My views.

  4. I did a little bit of Islamic studies and the only option for you to marry more than one are: if the first one is ill and cannot satisfy you sexually; secondly if you can treat them equally; thirdky , if she’s childless!!! But then we have to be very careful as this is a very delicate issue!!! Remember Alquran is the word of Allah!! Thank you!!!!

  5. Abubakar Tajudeen Olanrewaju

    More explanatary,the verse quoted was revealed to prophet muhammed when he came back from war and many of his men died living their wices and children,for the women not to suffer or go into prostitute because of daily living Allah asked the men around who are capable to mary two or three or four and take care of them while Allah knows there will be injustice after knowing the women well and in some cases one may be better sexually or attitude than other,so there is no how inequality will not come up or we need is just have the fear of Allah in doing things but to be realistic I will prefer one wife to one man

  6. If possible, people will rewrite the Holly Book and write their names on it. It’s not possible for a man to love two women equally. There was a time I asked one hausa guy that has three wives this question. He told me that as aa hausa man, you don’t get married at all if you can’t take care of two wives. You must be able to take care of two wives to marry one. So in his own case, he’s married to three and that means he could comfortably take care of six. Hmmmmm! The guy is rich, yeah. The wives are comfortable, yeah, but am sure there are some things going on that I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t think It’s possible. May Allah forgive us.

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