First off, let me start by saying …he left, or as the norm is where I come from, he asked me to leave his home; so technically I left!
I just wanted to give you an insight into my story, so you don’t think that I am sitting here and writing ignorantly. I am not writing about what I haven’t gone through (experienced) myself. Girl, I have been there, done that and got the t-shirt!!!
Usually there are two types of break-ups in a marriage. The anticipated break-up is the one you saw coming; and the second one just springs on you. The difference between the two is that in the first one, you have the privilege of grieving before the fact, while in the second type, you start grieving after the fact.
At the crux of the matter, it does not matter which class you fall into, you will still be thrown off balance, your stability shaken, your world changed, the familiar taken away from you and all the works.
So what do you do when all that you know or you thought you knew is taken away from you in the twinkling of an eye?
Do you curl up in the corner of your room glass-eyed or crying? Do you mourn all day and all night? Do you break down confused, dejected, bitter and angry? Are you immobilized by this new revelation in your life? Can people tell from looking at you that someone or something has walked out on you? Do you put on your hallelujah smile even though torment rings in your soul? What do you do? What do you do? Or do you like me be excited at the prospect of tomorrow?
Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with grieving over a dead marriage. It is actually imperative that you grief over it because it is the end of a journey, a cessation of a gift. However what is wrong is staying in this place for too long. The Bible says that the faithfulness of the Lord are new every morning. My concern is with you in particular my sister – why can’t you see past this PAST? Why do you mourn for so long? It is now a part of your life. Do you realize that who you are, and your destiny does not end with any man but yourself? You have to choose to live again.
According to Deuteronomy 30:19 “This day I call the Heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you, life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.”
So my sister, what do you choose? Every road we travel in life is ultimately defined by choice.
The CHOICE to live again, CHOICE to laugh again, CHOICE to trust again, CHOICE to dream again, CHOICE to succeed, and I dare say – CHOICE to love again!
Yes girl! You can live again, dream again, love again…..
How? Did I hear you ask?
First, you have to acknowledge the hurt. It is not a weakness to admit you were hurt. It is actually a strength. It becomes a weakness when all you see is hurt, and you cannot see past the pain. So what if he left? Girlfriend, it is not the end of the world. It might even be the beginning of a new beautiful, exciting world, if you will dare to embrace it.
Secondly, accept the fact that it is over (even if it’s just for now – jokes!) but accepting that this season of your life is over will encourage you to look forward and even embrace newer seasons.
So, what if he left? See this as an opportunity to rediscover YOU! Do something differently. Take yourself out. Eat at a new restaurant. Colour your hair. Get a tattoo (just joking), but, hey, if that’s what it takes, do it! Get a motorbike. LOL. Do something you have never done before.
The Act – girl you have got to plan. You have got to come up with a plan of action. Arrange your new life to suit your present situation. Here, you may have to downsize, move to a new city, get a job, go back to school, write that book, just do something positive!
Take charge – Taking charge is a sweet way to get back on track. It gives you the strength to look forward. Even the Apostle Paul said – “looking unto those things that are before……..”
Being alone is not a disease. You should learn to embrace and see being alone as a sign of wholeness.
So, what if he left??? In the greater scope of things, what does it really matter? What matters is where we end. The journey in itself. Though a learning curve for you, becomes less significant at the end of your journey. Your testimony, your destiny, my sister, is what you look forward to.
You will have to get out of that slumber, you will have to get a hold of yourself even if it means faking it before you make it, you will have to look within for strength you thought you never had, you will have to get up! Because you have to ask yourself “why am I still here?” You are ultimately better than any situation you find yourself in now.
Fumi Bamgboye is a dedicated Believer, Mother, Writer, Entrepreneur.