Your libido might need a little kick start to get going…..
There are plenty of reasons why you might not be in the mood for sex: Your intense work schedule has you tapped out, you’re not feeling your physical best, or you and your partner have hit a sensual slump. Of course, it’s important to go with your gut if there’s a serious reason you want to forgo sex. But if everything in your relationship is pretty great and the only reason is that you’re feeling kind of meh, you might want to reconsider. Seriously, experts swear that sometimes going through the motions can kickstart your arousal.
“Research has shown that arousal can proceed desire in women,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. Translation: If you let your body lead the way, you can trust that more often than not, your mind will follow suit. “Once you get the reward of orgasm, you’ll remind yourself of what you’ve been missing,” says Kerner.
Plus, previous research shows that pleasing your partner can actually boost your own libido. So the next time you’re feeling a little blah about getting naked, it’s worth trying to hone in on what would make your partner feel good—you might be surprised by how turned on you get in the process.
If Getting Frisky Doesn’t Get You in a Sexy State of Mind…
The next step is to ask yourself why you might have lost your erotic urges in the first place, says Kerner. If you don’t want to have sex because you have trouble climaxing, then you might want to try incorporating sex toys or positions that make an orgasm easier to come by. Or maybe you’re just bored with your current sex life, particularly if you’re in a long-term relationship; if that’s the case, talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies or new experiences you’d be open to trying to get that spark back.
“There are so many different kinds of sex to have,” says Kerner. There’s love making that’s all about your intimate emotional connection, there’s sex for stress release, there’s sex for fantasy fulfillment, there’s sex for stimulating all of your senses, you get the point. Sometimes, if you aren’t itching to hit the bedroom, it’s because you aren’t enjoying and exploring the full range of sexual possibilities, says Kerner.
Author: Kristen Sollee